Weight and the French Girl Paradox

Going into January I had honestly thought that I had put on weight in France. Yes, not something I would normally blog about- the idea that a kilo or two actually matters in the whole scheme of things is ridiculous. But it highlights one of the totally crazy things  that has happened since my arrival in France. Namely, the French Girl Paradox.

French girls, on the whole, are skinnier than Australian girls. High schoolers, on the whole, are skinnier than people who have finished high school. But French high school girls, especially when they are sitting down and you are standing up, look tiny. And it can skew the way you see your body. I have always loved my body. Not every day, not every minute, but as a whole idea, the thing is pretty great. It does what I need and makes me pretty happy to put clothes on it day in and day out. I like being self-assured and at ease in my body.  I am comfortable in my own skin and that makes me able to be a confident person.

That has not changed. I don’t think I would stop loving my body if I put on a few kilos. Plus, it’s Europe- pastries and crepes and bread and a million excuses to add a little weight. If a little bit of weight mattered, then I would probably not be happy at this weight. I would probably not be happy with any weight. So, my mind has not changed. But the way I see myself apparently did. I came to terms with having put on a few, without ever actually checking if I had. I began to see myself as comparable with the girls around me. Who are mostly 15 and thus have not even stopped growing yet.

French girls smoke and they wear better clothes for their bodies. The stereotypes here are totally true. At the end of school and at lunchtime, one can look outside to the freezing cold front of the school, where the puddles are frozen and you see half the school and half the staff out there, the cold breath mingling with cigarette smoke. The boys are thinner, the girls are thinner and it messes with your head. It's not about how I feel in body but that my body is now surrounded by bodies that are different to the ones I'm used to. I have not put on weight, something which I should have been able to feel, but I started trusting comparisons rather than my own body.

I wonder if the French Girl Paradox affects French girls. It must do, in the same way that eating disorders are rife in Australian, English and American cultures; it must be the case here. I wonder about the girls who are bigger. The girls who are even smaller. Do they think that the average weight here (well below average in Australia) is normal? Is it normal?

Things I know: I’ll never smoke for that. I’ll never smoke full stop- money draining, cancer causing, asthma inducing things. But it took me a while to feel this good about myself and I don’t like to think of this image creeping inside my brain and making it see things differently. It is hard not to place yourself on a marker with the people around you. Their English is more advanced than my French, their outfits are better put-together than mine. They weigh less. I would really love their sense of style, to have learnt language the way they have. But aspiring to their weight?
I’ll keep mine, thanks.